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      當(dāng)前位置:中華考試網(wǎng) >> 托?荚 >> 托福輔導(dǎo) >> 托福寫作 >> 2016年托福作文沖刺高分作文賞析(二)

      2016年托福作文沖刺高分作文賞析(二)

      中華考試網(wǎng)   2016-09-14   【

        這篇托福題目是:If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? 如果你可以遇見一位著名的演繹者或者運(yùn)動員,你想見誰,并且闡述為什么。從題目的理解上,首先要注意關(guān)鍵詞,entertainer或者athlete,所以考生把人物選定為singer, dancer, performer, 或者像Kobe Brant, David backham這樣的運(yùn)動明星都是可以的。但不能選定自己的家人或者朋友這樣的身邊人。

        滿分作文開篇是這樣的:

        If given the chance to meet a famous entertainer or athlete, I would definitely choose Norah Jones, winner of 8 Grammy Awards in 2003. 開頭簡潔,標(biāo)新立異。首先在選材上,作者沒有選用比如邁克杰克遜,喬丹,劉翔這些大家耳熟能詳?shù)粔蛐南氲拿餍,而是舉了一個新穎但是同樣著名的,曾獲8項格萊美大獎的美國爵士歌手,諾拉瓊斯,能夠吸引考官的眼球,讓人眼前一亮,并有興趣去品讀考生自己的理由。在語言組織上,if given the chance to do…I would do 考生一上來就用了一個較有難度的語法點(diǎn),過去分詞做狀語。這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)比簡單的if引導(dǎo)的狀語從句更為新穎華麗?忌约嚎梢岳眠@樣的句型來練習(xí),比如If give the chance to go back to campus, I would put time in its utmost value. 如果給我一個機(jī)會回到校園,我會最大限度的利用時間。另外在用詞上,definitely這一副詞的使用,表明了考生內(nèi)心的對此題目的自信。這樣的開篇清爽自然,毫無贅述,一目了然。

        第二段如下:

        In the first place, as an amateur in jazz music, I would like to ask her for some tips in jazz performance. Since I first heard her voice over the radio, I have been deeply attracted by her unique voice, a wonderful mixture of ease, leisure, laziness, a bit of everything together. I’ve always been wondering how to effectively convey my feelings through my voice. A talk with Norah Jones might hopefully give me some inkling and teach me how to make my songs sing for my soul. 正文第一句話直接闡述考生的個人理由,as an amateur in jazz music, I would like to ask her for some tips in jazz performance. 也就是想要與諾拉瓊斯請教爵士音樂的知識。第一句見主題的方式,讓考官能夠迅速捕捉考生的思路。接下來娓娓道來為什么希望向諾拉瓊斯來請教,因為考生自從從收音機(jī)中聽到諾拉瓊斯的聲音,就被她獨(dú)特的嗓音深深吸引。在這一段中,考生細(xì)致的描述充分展現(xiàn)了考生的詞匯量?纯忌侨绾斡靡幌盗械呐疟,一連串的同位語來描述諾拉瓊斯獨(dú)特的嗓音的:a wonderful mixture of ease, leisure, laziness, a bit of everything together.一種混合著放松,閑適,慵懶,沒點(diǎn)感覺都有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的美妙的結(jié)合。這一系列描述真實細(xì)膩,仿佛考官也能聽到這樣的聲音。

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